Diary of a Lagos Bachelor: My Christmas Day Romance… Don’t Miss This

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Love beats the human intelligence with its complications and modalities; at times we believe we know but like the American singer John Legend sang, “Everybody knows but no one really knows how to make it work”.
 There is a razor-thin difference between love and lust. The romantic love is misconstrued in most cases by the youth who feed their hungry flesh under the illusion of true feelings and affection.
The four-letter word seems so simple, straightforward but highly ambivalent and vague. It’s well abused by both sides of the gender. In a place like Lagos, love can be found at Shoprite in different grades just like our conventional goods and services and no humour is intended here.  Love in the financial hub of Nigeria could be seen as matter which has weight and occupies space like we were taught in elementary science.
The skin colour of the love and the body shape could determine the price tag. Age also plays a key role in the price of love. Lagosians don’t really like old cargos so the younger the love, the higher the price may be.
The true meaning of love to me is what I feel for my parents and my sister. If my emotional attachment to the opposite s ex doesn’t match my feelings for the latter then it’s a mere heart exercise.
Instachat, online community is a relaxation spot for me. It doesn’t hurt to refresh my account in between working hours or on my bed as I flip through the profiles of some Lagos-based ladies. I have been warned to stay off the social media fun-seekers but I have purposely turned that Buhari’s ear to their advice. The social network helps me in estimating the inflationary trend in Nigeria. I doubt if the National Bureau of Statistics is taking into cognisance the exorbitant prices being charged by the Lagos runs girls as they conclude the inflation rate is 18.3% for the month of October, 2016.
A pleasurable night of two rounds of s ex now costs about N10,000 to N40,000 depending on the looks, taste and body structure of the ‘marketer’.
One day, while easing off stress on the network, I met a lady staying on the next street in Festac Town. Truthfully, she had the kind of banging body that could cure malaria or typhoid fever at the early stage. We got talking and she said the ‘goods’ were for sale as I pre-empted. The clandestine marketers are so easy to identify due to the scanty details on their profiles, mode of dressing, body exposure, tattoos, make-ups, questionable locations of taking pictures and so on.
Her price tag was N20,000 for just a single session of less than two rounds in the ‘other room’.
I became curious and unsettled. As I probed into the unprecedented price increment in the natural commodity and the revelation became more damning.
“I know you are beautiful and your body is well structured. There is no doubt about that but why are you charging such an unwholesome amount of money on natural resources bestowed on you by Providence at no costs? Don’t you know there is economic recession?” I asked.
At first she laughed then said:
 “See my brother blame the U.S dollar. The exchange rate is too high currently”
I became more confused at this point. She sounded so ridiculous. I instantly started wondering on how the dollar rate affects her when she added;
“Look at my skin now, don’t you like it? I use imported body creams as well as my clothes”
We both laughed at her utterances and promised to contact her again which was obviously a false hope. Such an amount paid to a runs girl in this scathing period of economic recession when people are dying of malnutrition and hunger-induced diseases at the Internally Displaced People’s camps in the North-east could attract the instant wrath of God.
At this point, I am sure a reader would be eager to read how this connects to my romantic experience on Christmas day. Sorry for the extended digression, here is the story. I met Bimpe on Instachat during one of my sojourns on the mobile phone application. I messaged her as her address stipulated Lagos. Her response came after a few days and it was quite slow. She later told me she was a student in Ondo State. I swiftly urged her to vote for my candidate in the forthcoming November 26, 2016 gubernatorial election in Ondo as at then. I was later informed she couldn’t as her Personal Voters Card; PVC was registered in Ile-Ife, Osun State where her family is based.
Along the line, we got talking as we unravelled our identities. Her profile picture was all I saw at first but I never took the pains of checking her photo album to have a vivid picture of how she really looked on different occasions. Our discussion got romantic a bit and I realized she was single. As for me, I have always been as single as a new song and more available than the MTN network, so my case is different.
At a spare time, I ransacked her profile as a suitor will do and I saw that goldmine she was hiding. I noticed how beautiful she looked, her cute lips, slim and tall figure which is exactly my ‘spec’. So I decided to channel more energy into her despite the long distance. I later demanded for her phone number and she obliged.
I promised to call her at a specified time as soon as I got to work but I failed due to a massive work schedule. So I called two hours later than the promised time, I introduced myself and I realized she was expecting the call all along. The first thing she said was that I sound so young on phone. We later became close pals. She could ‘call for Africa’ as my fellow Nigerians will say.
I loved the attention she was giving me and things progressed. Later we started dating online, it was unbelievable. The quality of her looks made me feel she was deceiving me. I would get a lot of messages from friends each time I put up her picture on my Whatsapp. They all had doubts about the sincerity of her feelings. I must admit it affected my perception of her no matter how hard I tried.
Bimpe was ever-willing to give her all to make things work. All she wanted was just for us to talk at every available time and get to know each other. She was so loving and understanding. I must confess I am not used to this height of romance. I have trust issues. Nothing really seems real to me until proven otherwise especially when it comes to internet affairs. I am currently working on that so that I could love Bimpe progressively.
Bimpe ran into very personal issues and I couldn’t help. I felt I was being lured into a web. Even when I gave her my word about assisting her, I later changed my mind at the last minute.
I became the usual me again and I called things off. For the first time in my life I felt a Mutual Assured Destruction, MAD. My decision hurt me so bad as much as it must have affect her as she cried on phone when I told her I was pulling out. I was in pains but I pretended to be strong. I distracted myself at work so as not to down myself in thoughts of her. My plans of finally meeting Bimpe in Ibadan for Christmas were cancelled. I felt a huge vacuum in my life.
Meanwhile, my housemate was a huge fan of Bimpe. He loved our perceived chemistry. He noticed my chats were all about Bimpe as well as phone calls. I deleted all her pictures from my phone as well her phone numbers. I erroneously assumed it was a game all along. A part of me felt empty without Bimpe but I stubbornly became resolute in my bid to put her in the past.
I used the same alert tone for my Whatsapp messages but yet I accurately knew when it was Bimpe chatting me up. It was so easy for me as well being inexplicable. A part of me kept praying for a message from Bimpe on Whatsapp. It never happened for 3 days. I concluded that if her feeling for me was real, she would miss me and message me again.
On the fourth day of our break-up, I was in the bus heading to Ibadan from Lagos for the Yuletide when I got my Whatsapp message alert tone. This time around I felt it was her and yes, it was her. She asked why I had refused to talk to her for four days. I replied her message on a friendly note.
She told me she was in Ibadan for Christmas. I jokingly asked her if she came for me. Surprisingly, she said yes. I asked her to come spend Christmas with me and she accepted. I forwarded her my address which was quite far from her sister’s house. In fact, it could safely say she travelled to my house. In less than an hour, she called me that she was at the junction of my house. I met her at the untarred part of the road. The dust clouded the atmosphere as each motorcycle and vehicle rode by. I saw her from afar. Her height was significant, she almost shared the same height and I am like 6ft3. She looked slim and light-skinned.
The natural endowments took the moderate proportions I so desired. I fell for her a thousand and one times that moment. I approached her with open arms and she hugged me. We then walked home together.
She look more beautiful in person, as she talked I was lost in thoughts. I noticed she was reluctant to talk probably due to the misunderstanding between us.
She moved me to tears with her words as she avoided my gaze.
She said;
“George, you took sleep off my eyes for days. I had to be drinking wine to help me fall asleep for four days but I am better now”
I was really saddened with her words. I was lost in the admiration of her beauty. Suddenly,  I gave her a peck and then a kiss. Her red lipstick stained my mouth. It was so romantic. I later led her to my room for privacy as we were initially in the sitting room. She confidently walked in and sat on my bed as she leaned against my leg.
I continued kissing her and this time I got an encouraging response from her. Bimpe was quite a good kisser. Her moves were awesome.
She looked into my eyes and said; “But we are not dating anymore. I am just your friend”
I smiled and in my heart I said “friend indeed” as I drew her close to myself. Her body scent was enchanting as she was as clean as snow. With some available stew, I could have her for dinner just like I am a cannibal.
We had reconciliation talks amidst kisses and hot romance as we explored the bodies of each other with our warm hands. She loved the hair on my chest and I couldn’t take my mouth off her navel.
In no time, there was no difference her lips and mine in terms of colour as her lipsticks littered my lips. I was almost looking like the popular Lagos cross-dresser, Bobrisky who is rumoured to be gay. We took lovely pictures intermittently as we discussed our present challenges and future together. Bimpe was everything I had ever wanted in a woman.
I dashed off to the kitchen and served a plate of fried rice, jollof and beef mixed together including drinks.
“George we have to eat together” she said.
I joined her and she ate freely unlike the average Lagos girls that will purposely waste the food to make you feel the taste doesn’t meet their home standard. I later took the plates to the kitchen when we were done.
She checked her wristwatch and it was about 5pm. We had spent over 4 hours together and we didn’t know. She had to journey back home. I walked her to the bus stop. She had initial difficulties getting the next available bike to the nearest car park for another trip.
The area was dusty and I was beginning to feel for her. I began to complain bitterly about the scarcity of commercial motorcycles.
I never knew she was feeling indifferent. She gazed at me and said “Are you so eager to leave me? I am happy with you here”
I was stunned. What manner of lady is this? I laughed as we kissed publicly not minding people turning their heads to catch a glimpse of the romance. A commercial tricycle later emerged and she left. I squeezed some funds into her hands and she smiled at me in appreciation.
I walked home thinking about the ecstatic moments.
We have become closer every since and it has started to dawn on me that my bachelor race would end here as I stare
at our Christmas pictures every moment of the day.
I am really into Bimpe. I hope we get married soonest.

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